Navigating the Holidays When Your Heart Is Grieving

The holidays can stir up a lot of mixed emotions, especially when someone you love is no longer here. What used to feel simple or joyful may now feel quieter, heavier, or different in ways that are hard to explain.

Grief during this season is often complex. It doesn’t always look like the “traditional” sadness people expect, and it doesn’t fade just because the calendar turns to December. For many, the holidays highlight both the love that remains and the emptiness that loss creates.

Below are supportive ways to move through holiday cheer when your heart feels heavy, and to honor your experience with care and compassion.

Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel

The pressure to be merry can make people feel like their grief is an inconvenience or something to hide. But your emotions don’t take a holiday break.You’re allowed to feel joy, sadness, anger, numbness, or all of them at once. Grief is not linear, and it doesn’t follow the calendar.

Letting yourself feel honestly is often the first step toward easing the internal tension of “trying to be okay” for everyone else.

Acknowledge the Empty Chair In Your Own Way

An empty chair can carry enormous emotional weight.

Some choose to honor it with:

• A candle

• A framed photo

• A written message or holiday card to their loved one

• A shared story about a favorite memory

  
  

Others choose not to call attention to the absence at all. There is no right or wrong here, only what feels supportive for you and your family.

Consider Creating New Traditions

When old traditions feel too painful, it can help to gently shift into something new:

• Visit a place that feels healing or peaceful

• Cook your loved one’s favorite holiday dish

• Donate to a cause that reflects their values

• Take a holiday walk or drive to see lights

• Start a “memory ornament” each year

  
  

New traditions don’t replace what was lost, they help you move through the season in a way that feels emotionally manageable.

Take Breaks From Social Expectations

Holiday gatherings, office parties, and crowded shopping trips can feel overwhelming when grief is active. Give yourself permission to take breaks or step away.

Boundaries you can use:

• “I’m not up for a big event this year, but I’d love to see you one-on-one.”

• “I’ll stop by for a bit, but I may leave early.”

• “Thank you for understanding. I’m taking things day by day.”

Protecting your emotional energy is an act of self-compassion.

Lean on Community Support

You’re not alone, even if grief feels isolating.

Local support options may include:

• Grief support groups

• Community holiday remembrance events

• Faith-based services

• Counseling with a therapist familiar with complex or traumatic grief

  
  

Connecting with people who “get it” can bring a sense of grounding that family or friends may not always be able to offer.

Find Moments of Joy Without Guilt

Experiencing moments of warmth or happiness doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten your loved one, nor does it diminish your grief. Joy can coexist with sorrow. Both can be true. It’s okay to welcome small moments of relief, laughter, a cozy night in, a peaceful morning, without feeling like you’re leaving someone behind.

Remember That Healing Isn’t a Timeline

Grief is not something to “get over.” It’s something you learn to live with in a way that softens over time. The holidays may always be complicated, and that’s understandable. What matters most is honoring your experience with patience and compassion as you navigate this season at your own pace.

If this holiday season feels heavier than others, know that you are not failing at being festive, strong, or grateful. You are human. You are grieving. And that grief is a reflection of the love and connection that mattered to you. May this season give you space to breathe, remember, and take gentle steps toward healing one moment at a time.

 If you’re seeking support this season, our team is here. Contact us to schedule a counseling session.