How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty During the Holidays

Saying no can be hard—especially if you’re used to being the person others count on. You may find yourself saying yes out of habit, even when you’re tired, overwhelmed, or unsure.

The real challenge isn’t always about the request itself. It’s about what saying no brings up. Discomfort. Guilt. The fear of letting someone down.

Let’s look at how you can set limits without carrying the guilt.

Know What You’re Actually Saying Yes To

Every time you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else—your rest, your finances, your peace.

Ask:

• Do I actually want to do this?

• Do I have the energy or time?

• Am I saying yes out of fear or obligation?

If you wouldn’t commit to it in January, don’t force yourself to commit to it in December.

Use Direct, Short Responses That Don’t Invite Debate

Here are 5 solid go-to phrases:

• “I won’t be able to make that, but thank you for thinking of me.”

• “We’re keeping things simple this year.”

• “That doesn’t work for us, but I hope it’s great.”

• “I don’t have the capacity for that right now.”

• “I’ve already made other plans to rest.”

No excuses. No apologizing. Just clear decisions.

Don’t Fill the Silence With Justification

Silence after you say no can feel awkward. Resist the urge to fill it with reasons. You're allowed to take care of yourself without proving why.

You don’t need a tragedy or a schedule conflict to say no. “No” is enough.

Plan for Pushback

Some people might not like your boundary—and that’s okay. Their reaction isn’t your responsibility.

Try this if someone pushes:

• “I hear that you're disappointed, but I’ve made my decision.”

• “It’s hard when people are upset, but I need to stay grounded in what’s right for me.”

That discomfort will pass. You’ll feel better knowing you didn’t abandon yourself to avoid tension.

Guilt Is a Reaction—Not a Reason

Guilt doesn’t always mean you did something wrong. It can mean that you broke a pattern—especially if you're used to being the helper, the fixer, or the one who makes it work.

Let the guilt rise, but don’t let it run the show. You’re allowed to need space. Even now. Need help setting boundaries? Reach out to connect with a licensed therapist at Life's Journey Counseling and schedule an appointment.